On the Automatic Nice Girl

THE AUTOMATIC NICE GIRL.

This one is wired in DEEP.

I'll speak to this pattern through the lens of a woman, because I know her so well.

She's the one that plays small out of fear of reprisals or making mistakes.

She doesn't say 'No' to please you.

She fawns to appease you.

And it's instant.... a reflex.

Automatic 'nice girl'.

The one that smiles when you cross her.

The one that knew she should have said something, but didn't.

The one that swallows her truth to protect you.

The one that overrides the signs to play it 'safe'.

The one that conforms and tows the line.

Because what she has to say will likely burn you and your reality to the ground.

She moves on many levels, in all spaces.... and you may never know she's there.

Serving and protecting the vulnerable parts of you.

Because your power WILL cause discomfort.

But it's time.

It's time for her to retire.

It's time for you to rewire.

By stepping into the unfamiliar.

Step one: Notice where your accommodator is showing up in your life and how.

Step two: Interrupt the pattern where you can. Start small. If you cannot do it in real-time, do it retrospectively (I realise that I accommodated you by saying x and y when I meant z). Take deep breaths, ground yourself and repeat when it feels doable.

Step three: Hold yourself in the discomfort of not accommodating and/or people's reactions to you. Get someone to be your accountability partner with whom you can share with when it feels challenging and you need to blow off steam. Remember self-compassion, remember it is OK to be honest about what feels right for you and what doesn't... you are loveable!

Step four: Repeat. Practice makes permanent. Slow and steady is how we support our nervous system to rewrite the blueprint. The discomfort will get less and less over time.

And to anyone that has been benefiting from the accommodating qualities of the automatic nice girl.... Be warned - you will no longer find safety here.