Freedom and Commitment
"I want to be free in a committed partnership" ❤
I wrote this in my phone notes in August 2020.
2 years later I met my beloved.
A year later since meeting him I realise that I have embodied a level of mastery in feeling free in a committed partnership.
I have been researching relationship for years and I am now at a point where the hard work has paid off.
How has this been possible?
1. Compatibility - This is so underrated in dating and relationships in my opinion and yet this has come to be one of the most important pieces in my relationship investigations. Often we don't know what we want, or we are not honest about it because there's some disapproval hiding underneath or unworthiness in the mix. This misalignment causes strain from the start because we are not honouring what is true, and so the compromise happens; the self-abandonment, the seeding resentment and settling for breadcrumbs.
First, I took responsibility for my desire and got clear on what I wanted and what I was calling in. It took some time to move through the blocks to the truth of my desire... A devotional union with one man where I could cultivate trust and opening... Oof never thought I'd be the one to say that, the discomfort was real 😆
Second, I communicated this very early on in our connection. I would rather course correct early than deepen into something that wasn't aligned for either of us. This is an all too familiar trap for me.
There's also a piece here about dating someone you are actually energetically, physically and intellectually attracted to... This has been and continues to be an edge for me, dating someone I'm a full yes to s*xually and emotionally requires courage and a deeper devotion because there's "more to lose" 😵💫
2. Self-holding - How emotionally available are you for yourself? Where do you want to avoid taking responsibility? Discovering and improving how you relate to yourself is the foundation for relationship building. Learning how to self-relate; self-communicate, self-regulate and to contain your experience is the bread and butter of navigating the depths of life, and especially love. For me this has included a huge maturing within myself, stepping up to the adult in my experiences, re-parenting my inner-child and working consciously with other inner-parts and my nervous system for greater mastery.
3. Emotional Intelligence - Learning your blueprint for relationships; what patterns are you running when things get challenging? How do you react when you're triggered/activated? Spotting my shadows and seeing them as indications of fear pointing to an underlying need/boundary is where the gold is at.
Through this self-noticing and self-responsibility I can remain in my adult in my relationship rather than bringing my little girl... advocating for myself in a mature and integral way rather than projecting, sabotaging or hemorrhaging my feelings (and my responsibility). Here I can slow things down and create space for conscious, healthier choices and responses.
4. Treat your relationship as research... This threads the earlier pieces together… when things go 'wrong' or hurts happen, how can we neutralise them and see them as learning, rather than be victimised by them?
And all of this supports you ultimately to hold the possibility that connections may end… because that’s the truth. And I'm all for developing my tolerance to my worse-case scenarios which also means I can continue to open, even when it hurts, and even with the possibility that it may end (learning to be ok with death and embracing rebirth is a deep spiritual practice, one that will serve your expansion massively).
For those of you that resonate, this is the path that I offer to you.
To learn and embody all of this takes time, which is why I teach and guide on this 1:1 over a 6 month period in UNFURL mentorship program...so you really get a handle on the core principles and have space to integrate through practice.
AND if you want a taste, my catalyst calls are open for booking.
Celebrating one whole year since I met my love! Eeeeee ♥
