Healing the People Pleaser
Some people can sniff your people pleaser a mile off and will use that to their advantage because it IS to their advantage.
People with agendas and targets will want people who have poor boundaries, avoid confrontation and are not connected to their needs/voice/power because it means more for them (or so they think)
In co-dependent culture dynamics, some people will know that you need that job, that money etc and that dependence gives them further leverage to take from you and exploit you.
The work for you here is what in you makes you susceptible to this?
If your ‘people pleaser training’ means that you are often in situations where you're overworked, overwhelmed or even burnt out... Then it's time to train in something else.
How about training in unlearning all that shit in your head and reconnecting with your truth, your needs, your voice and your power?
The barriers that come up here are often fear of the unknown, yes. But I'll bet that the main barrier is that you know your life will have to change.
One thing I can assure you is that when you begin to embody your power you will no longer be able to tolerate situations that are not aligned for you.
This means making choices that are uncomfortable, because their risky and less familiar.
But that's the threshold to a thriving life.
You have the power to choose.
You have the capability to change.
Here are some steps that may resonate for you....
1. Get your foundations set in your system; Develop awareness of your nervous system capacity. Learn about self-regulation & resourcing... What do you need to begin healing and restoring capacity in your window of tolerance?
2. Make the leap into something that disrupts this pattern: Leave. Take a break. Let it all burn to the ground. Go broke. Have less. Have more. What that looks like will depend on your circumstances. If the leap isn't doable, what's the next first doable small step?
3. Take inventory of where you're out of integrity and alignment in your life; where do you feel nourished?... More of that. Where do you feel drained?... Get rid of that. Start to monitor where your energy is going and recalibrate to what lights you up.
4. Rewrite the narratives around your people pleaser: Resource yourself, take a course, work with a coach, invest time and energy into changing this pattern. Learn to be with the discomfort that will inevitably come up, learn to say no, learn to be with a no. This step is supported by Step 1 (important!)
5. Lots of deep breaths with a longer exhale. Lots of self-love and compassion. Lots of patience and kindness. Be firm AND be loving. Accept you'll make mistakes, course correct and go again.
Unlearning the way of the people pleaser takes time, maybe even years for some of us, but it is entirely possible and entirely accessible to you if you choose it.
That energetic shift alone can be life changing.
