Slay the STIgma
The audacity to go to a s*xuality event or s*x party when you have genital herpes?!?
If we really want to create open and progressive attitudes towards sex and sexuality, then destigmatising Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) is a vital part of this process.
Why?
Because most 'sex positive' spaces that I've been to assume that everyone in the space doesn't have an STI. This already sets the tone of stigma.
As a Herpes+ person in these spaces, I feel sad for the parts of me that would have been really impacted by that or avoided those spaces altogether.
The reality is, many people unknowingly have STIs, don't disclose or know and have the extra barrier to attending events or spaces that are sexuality based because the people holding the nuance and sensitivity of this issue.
STIs affect every body.
And they are heavily steeped in purity culture and oppressive shame, which is a big part of what many of us are deconditioning in this work... Which is why destigmatising STIs has to be a part of the sex positive conversation too.
Here are some of the ways you can support the destigmatising of STIs:
1. Get informed on how common STIs are. The numbers of certain types are rising, and it is not helpful to reduce the levels of transmission when we move from the energetic of fear and stigma... We can address the risks, bring consciousness to the topic AND do this with HEART.
Normalise that STIs are an inevitable and manageable part being human and offer education, resources and compassion.
2. Get clued up on and bring awareness into your spaces / groups of the stigma attached to STIs and the impact this has on individuals & culture.
Avoid humour where possible. It's great to bring a lightheartedness to this topic but it isn't humourous. STI stigma has more of a psychological impact on individuals that the STI itself, so sensitivity, neutrality and compassion are your 'go tos' for these discussions.
3. Bring awareness to where you may hold stigma about those with STIs & work compassionately to dismantle this conditioning in yourself.
We have all grown up in a culture that stigmatises sex, especially women. It is highly likely you have internalised stigma around this topic, and that isn't accounting for the varying levels pathogen fear and disgust sensitivity we are all moving with already.
4. Check your language & encourage neutral language in your spaces.. eg: "clear results" not "clean results".
'Disease' is an outdated term now - not all infections automatically result in disease, therefore we can just say STIs and lighten the load.
5. Normalise & encourage safer-sex conversations as healthy, two-way, mutually respectful talks that support intimacy & relating.
6. Normalise the possibility that someone may disclose to you they have an STI so you are prepared, respectful & compassionate towards them.
I would love if sexy spaces assumed that many people had people with STIs in the space (how rad would that be!) so this was introduced from the get go that we share the responsibility to have these conversations, tune into to where our boundaries might land and learn to have challenging conversations or to respond to someone disclosing with love and humility. They are in fact human, and very loveable too!
7. If you hold a sexy space, consider that someone in your audience has an STI, let this inform how you address the topic and provide emotional support for people who may be curious and fearful of exploring your sexy space with an STI, preferably from people who are STI Stigma conscious or have an STI with no known cure themselves 😉
8. And remember, Coldsores are Herpes. Your sexy spaces will benefit from this truth in many ways.
Oof this is a big one. If you have oral herpes, aka coldsores, you need to disclose this to your potential sexy partners - The majority of genital herpes cases are from passed from oral s*x. One version isn't better than the other.
